Gay Rebel Scum

Fannish Hiatus(-ish) and Housekeeping

2025-04-02T01:12:16Z

Hey everyone, long time no see. Why do I feel like half of my DW posts start with me apologising for the lack of activity?

Well, it's for a good(?) reason this time I promise. I had a bit of an existential crisis over Thanksgiving thanks to a dear friend of mine. To cut a long story short, I'm mostly on hiatus from fandom writing these days... because I'm focusing on my original work!

I made a skeet about this, but I figured I should probably also tell you lovely people as well.

It's always been a dream of mine to be a published author, and I've been chugging away at short stories to make that dream a reality! Unfortunately, I am trying to distance my fandom persona from my published writing persona, so I'm going to have to keep mum about any of those projects.

I'm essentially taking the year off to write and apply to as many paid opportunities as I can. I love writing fan fiction and this is such a beautiful community for hobbiest writers, but I need to make money to live.

Um, if you're also a writer and you have a favourite book on writing craft, please let me know in the comments! I'm trying to take this whole thing rather seriously. I'm not comfortable giving my blog out to anyone, so I'm just asking for Good Vibes I guess.

I will, naturally, be breaking my own rules and releasing at least one fic this year (I've decided to run an event in a discord server), and I'll probably check my DW because I enjoy the community on here, but this page itself will be basically radio silent. Wish me luck! If this year ends up being a failure, I know I can come back to you guys!

Also I JUST realised it's April Fools Day. This is not a joke.

comments

longfic update: Ugh

2024-11-06T15:42:31Z

Jeez, that sure happened, huh?

I'm still here and probably won't be going anywhere.

Good news: I still have 2 more chapters of BatE ready to go whenever and I'm almost done with chapter 6. I got 0 sleep last night, so I'm not sure how much of my Feeling Ick is sleep deprevation and how much of it is The Bad Thing.

Planning to have a few fics prepped for Femslash February. There are a few F/F ships that I'm desperate to write, and I've already started on one of them. It's honestly been a blast to write these characters!

comments

Longfic Update: New Beginnings

2024-08-02T00:47:22Z

Hey Dreamwidth, we meet again!

I finally decided to post BAtE, which can be read on AO3. Like I said in the A/N, I'm not totally sure if I'll be able to finish it, but I at least have 6 chapters worth, so maybe it'll go well.

If you're not a CaPri fan: Google the trigger warnings first. I don't want you to hurt yourselves and this series is very dark at times. I've kept most of the triggering material from the source material because it's important to informing these characters.

But yeah, worst case scenario, I post all the chapters I've finished and it just kind of ends there. But I've done a lot of work on it, and I'd like it to be seen.

comments

Longfic Update: Argh!

2024-06-30T02:04:43Z

Welp, it's been an interesting few months. Figured it's time to dust off this blog again.

What have I been up to? Well, if you've been following my AO3, you'll notice that I posted some new Baldur's Gate 3 fics in *checks notes* April, I guess? Geez, I could've sworn I just posted those.

Anyway, if you're not privy to the Sunset Deep Lore, I can't say I blame you. I lost my job back in February (on Valentine's Day no less!) less than a week after my grandfather suddenly passed away and I had to catch a last-minute flight to be with my family.

Despite temendous efforts to the contrary, I haven't been able to get a job since then so it's been, uh. Rough. I guess the good news is that it gave me time to focus on classes and get my associates degree with honours.

But I'm constantly kicking myself for not getting farther with my bigger writing projects. I guess it shouldn't be that weird, since even though I have a lot of time, much of it is spent stressing about money and applying for jobs and pulling my hair out. Like, I'm allowed to be exhausted during this extremely stressful point in my life, and yet I still feel bad for not having the energy or drive to work on my fan fics (or the original novel that I'm hypothetically chipping away at). I really need to accept that it's okay to be stressed the fuck out.

And yet I'm also frustrated because I know that I, generally, am not very happy when I'm working a job either. My seasonal depression gets significantly worse when I have to roll out of bed before sunrise and spend time with people who never seem to like me very much. So I feel extra guilty that I'm not getting things done when the weather is nice and I feel energised.

I don't know, man. I'm doing my best.

(If for some reason you do feel like helping me out, please consider tipping me over on commiss.io. I have enough savings to live off of until I can find a new job, but I would really appreciate the support right now.)

comments

Snowflake Challenge #4

2024-01-12T14:41:05Z

Challenge #4

IceBreaker Challenge! Tell us about yourself. Post your answer to today’s challenge in your own space and leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

Hey everyone! My name is Sunset and I use he/him pronouns!

I've been writing fan fiction since 2011, and I've written for more fandoms than I care to remember or name haha. Currently, I'm writing a few short fics for Baldur's Gate 3 and one very long fic for the Captive Prince trilogy. I also make edits when the spirit moves me.

comments

Snowflake Challenge #3

2024-01-10T17:38:16Z

Challenge #3

Create a wish list of fandom things (podfic, graphics, playlists, canon recs translations, research help, vids, sky's the limit!) that you'd like to receive. Post your answer to today’s challenge in your own space and leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

Wish List:
I love receiving fan art for any of my fics! I know it's a big ask, but drawing is, like, the one thing I can't do haha.
Icons for Tara from Baldur's Gate 3. I need a BG3 icon and I love my li'l girlie so much!
Is there a Baldur's Gate 3 kink meme out there? I've been too busy to check in between work and writing. I want to branch out a bit and write more about the girls, but I don't have very many ideas.

comments

Snowflake Challenge #2

2024-01-05T16:04:34Z

Challenge #2

In your own space, set yourself some goals for the coming year. They can be fannish or not, public or private. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

Finish Don't Feed Me, I Will Come Back (I just need to finish this chapter and then I should be good!)
Get BAtE to 10 chapters (I have 5 completed chapters, so I just need 5 more!)
Participate in the purimgifts exchange
Participate in sunshine_challenge

comments

PurimGifts 2024

2024-01-04T22:40:50Z

Hello all!

I'm so jazzed for Purimgifts this year, and I hope my nonsense gives you some inspiration!

( It's that time of year again! )

comments

Don't Feed Me, I Will Come Back (Bloodweave Urban Fantasy) Part I

2023-12-22T18:06:01Z

Title: Don't Feed Me, I Will Come Back
Ship: Gale Dekarios/Astarion Ancunin
Rating: Mature
Content Warnings: Implied/Reference Abuse
Other Tags: Urban Fantasy AU, Gale is Divorced, Tara is a cat, Implied/Reference Abuse, Pre-slash, Fluf
Length: Over 2k (incomplete, 1/3 chapters posted)
Summary: He immediately knew there was something inhuman about the man. Even if Gale had somehow missed the trail of blood down his chin and shirtfront and the collection of dead animal carcasses at his feet, his eyes gleamed in the dim light like a cat’s.
Despite his fearsome appearance, the stranger’s body language was defensive. He lowered his body, pulled his lips back, and hissed. His canines were strangely long and sharp.
A vampire? They were supposed to be extinct.
Gale finds a starving, half-crazed vampire in the woods.
Link

comments

Longfic Update: Distraction

2023-12-20T21:58:15Z

*sigh* You know, I was working on BatE at a pretty steady clip...

...until October. See, I don't know if you've heard, but a certain video game got released in August. I didn't actually buy it until mid-October because being a grownup with a full time job means you get behind on things. And uh, now it's kind of consumed my life a bit.

(If you've been living under a rock, the game is Baldur's Gate 3.)

So yeah, I've been spending pretty much all of my spare time for the last 3 months playing through BG3 instead of writing the fan fic I wanted to write. Oops.

But I'm not even mad because I've been absolutely enamored with it. It's a Dungeons and Dragons game based off my favourite edition (disclaimer: I've only played 4e and 5e, though I have some passing familiarity with AD&D due to playing Tower of Doom). It's got a great plot, fun sidequests, and a full cast of well-voice-acted characters with fun personalities.

I'm trying to cut down on my game time, but I've ended up putting over 150 hours into it. Oops.

I suppose the good news is even though progress on BatE has slowed, I have a 3-part BG3 fic in the pipeline that I should be ready to release soon.

The bad news is that I just started a new file and the more I play, the more different playthroughs I want to try. And I want to play the rest of the series.

I don't know. I'm happy and I have an army of new blorbos, but I do still want to see how far I can get with BatE. Maybe once the holiday season is over and the sun comes out again. How do you people finish longfics?

Anywho, I'm currently sitting on 5 completed chapters and 8900 words, plus the 2.5 completed chapters and 6700 words for my Baldur's Gate fic. Between seasonal depression and holiday activities, I'm quite happy with that! Expect a Baldur's Gate fic soon, if you're into that!

comments

"Making Up Women to Get Mad At": James Somerton's Misogyny and Transandrophobia

2023-12-04T19:43:47Z

So, after the incredible video essays of both Harris Bomberguy and Todd in the Shadows on James Somerton, I have some Thoughts. Please watch their videos first, and please consider kicking some money over to the writers that Somerton stole from, if you have some to spare. At the end of the day, Somerton's most egregious crimes are the rewriting of queer history and stealing the hard work of queer creators, many of whom died during the AIDS crisis. I think my thoughts (as a queer trans man) matter, but ultimately, these are the people who were hurt, so I feel the need to mention them before anything else.

But I do think I should speak about his misogyny, because the tropes he invokes are ones that are specifically hurtful to me personally.

Many of James' "original" observations (read: ones he didn't steal from the people who did the actual work) are these weird jabs about this... cabal of straight women who simultaneous love slash and dehumanise queer men (usually for the purposes of fetishisation), but also angrily tweet in droves when they see two men having sex on screen. (To be clear: I know the antisemetic connotations of the word "cabal" and I am using it intentionally to stress my point. A "cabal" is often a made-up boogeyman invoked by people who want the world to be less complex than it is. I'm also Jewish.)

This is a narrative that I've seen over and over again in fandom spaces. I generally associate it with the Livejournal era (I think because I wasn't there and everything seems so mythic and foundational these days?), but....

Has anyone ever actually met someone like this?

I've been in fandom for a long-ass time (my first fan fic was published in 2011), and I can safely say that I've met a lot of people over the years. Almost all of them have been queer. I think the last time I talked to a "straight" woman in fandom spaces was 2014, and she's now living with her queer platonic partner who is a woman. I don't know how she identifies, but that's not straight woman behaviour. And you'd think that the fandom spaces I'm a part of (usually shipping 2 men together) would attract these people like crazy. And yet, the majority of straight women that I see in fandom spaces either ship hetero ships or ship their self-inserts with male characters. I've known a few cis women with husbands and boyfriends in my m/m ship servers, but I can't say that I've ever gotten the vibe that these women were just here for teh hawt yaoiz or whatever. I don't even know if they were straight, since their sexuality is Not My Fucking Business unless they decide to make it so. When these women wrote fan fiction, they wanted to keep these characters in character and explore themes and emotions. When they did write pwp, it seemed like they thought that sex was part of the character's relationship and wanted to explore that too.

I think there is a tendency to write different ships similarly, especially when different fandoms are written by the same author. We are not a particularly large community, all things considered, and I think we all have our characterisation comfort zones. (I did realise a couple years ago that I write USUK from Hetalia and Kylux from Star Wars with an eerily similar dynamic. Oops). However, I feel as thought that's more easy to attribute to fandom writers influencing themselves and each other, and amateur writers generally staying in their comfort zone. It's the same reason most of my fics take place in the USA. It's second nature for me to write them that way and when I'm not planning and drafting over and over again, there's not a lot of opportunity for the story to develop and change. Is this based in homophobia or a desire to put m/m relationships in a specific box? Probably. Society has a lot of Opinions about how gay relationships ought to be and I think we're not immune to swallowing the water we're swimming in.

That being said, it only feels icky to me (as a queer transmasc) when it's clearly out of character and goes out of its way to impose heterosexual dynamics onto queer characters. The bottom is physically smaller, submissive, emotionally needier, and less sexually experienced than the top, who is physically larger, dominant, emotionally stoic, and more sexually experienced. However, I see these tropes most often not in fan fiction, but in mainstream gay porn, which is targeted at queer men, not this mysterious Fetishising Hetero Woman Cabal. Like a lot of porn, it is (to borrow from Ian Danskin's Semiotics of "Cuck" video) a reflection of what a minority wants and what the majority will tolerate. It's a popular fantasy, but not an earnest reflection of most m/m relationships. (It's also popular in yaoi manga, but I haven't read anything from the genre since 2011, so I'm not inclined to opine further.) Unrelated side note but something that's always bothered me: I dislike how much top/bottom discourse is dedicated to forcing characters into this dynamic. But... 90% of the time the people I see participating it are, like, fourteen, so that will probably be the only thing I say publicly about it. I'm not interested in dunking on high schoolers on the internet.

Anyway. When I hear people complaining about things on the internet, I have one question on my mind: Who is actually being harmed here? Who actually gives a shit that James Somerton is (to borrow from Todd in the Shadows) making up a bunch of women to get mad at?

First of all, I'm not convinced that I (a transmasc who is deeply closeted in his daily life) wouldn't not count as a woman to Mr. Somerton. Bomberguy points out that during one of his rare digressions from plagiarism, he claims that "queer women get to tell their stories on TV" with images from She-Ra and the Princesses of Power and Steven Universe. Presumably, he is referring to showrunners ND Stevenson and Rebecca Sugar respectively. While Stevenson and Sugar were not open about their gender identities until after their shows were at peak popularity, both Stevenson and Sugar have their pronouns in their twitter bios. (Stevenson came out as nonbinary in 2020 and then as transmasculine in 2021 and this article from 2018 mentions Sugar's nonbinary identity). The fact that both Stevenson and Sugar are transgender is also on their wikipedia pages. I know this because that's where I grabbed Stevenson's tweets. (In Somerton's defense, Sugar has called themself a "nonbinary woman," but I still feel like not mentioning their nonbinary identity is lying by omission.)

Unrelated: It's not exactly a mystery why Stevenson and Sugar were more likely to be able to tell their stories than queer men working in children's television. They were perceived as women at the time and we have a very gender essentialist idea of who gets to write for children. Like, of course these women are writing for children! They're supposed to be wives and mothers and be all nurturing and shit. Men who work with children are often side-eyed as being potential predators, which is doubly true for queer men. After all, men aren't mothers, they don't nurture, so why should they care about children's television? That's a useful hypothesis for you, Jim. It took me 10 seconds and 2 braincells.

And when he's not erasing the identities of nonbinary creators, he's erasing queer authors who wrote books he doesn't like. Becky Albertalli is the author of Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda, a book about a gay teenager who enters an anonymous romance with someone in his high school. I read the book and found it to be heartfelt and moving and very true to life. Albertalli also mentions in her author's note that she got the idea for it while working with queer kids. She had never said whether or not she was queer herself (and it is None Of My Fucking Business), but it's clear that she loved the queer community and put a lot of effort into making queer kids feel seen. I was a year out of high school when I read it and it made me cry. When it was adapted into the film Love, Simon, the project had a gay director in Greg Berlanti (too lazy to grab a source, you can check his wikipedia if you don't believe me).

Problem is, some people didn't get the memo about other people's sexuality being None of Their Fucking Business and decided to start attacking Albertalli for being a straight woman who wrote about gay men (presumably a member of the Fetishising Hetero Woman Cabal). This essentially forced her to come out as bisexual before she was ready in this heartbreaking Medium post (which I read when it dropped and pulled the link from her wikipedia page). Years after this dropped and made a relatively large splash in gay online spaces, Somerton claimed in a video that Albertalli was straight. She would later comment on that video expaining her story and asking him to make a correction. There's honestly no excuse for this error, and Albertalli handled it with far more grace than I ever could.

So, Somerton is either too lazy to double check information about the people he writes (read: plagiarises) about or chooses to ignore their very-publically-available coming out posts when writing his videos. Hbomb points out a weird subtext to a lot of his videos that seem to imply that anyone he perceives as a woman has it easier than gay men do. I'd love to hear how my DFAB friends of colour feel about this white cis gay man's opinion on their issues, but my eye is twitching. I've seen kind of an uptick of #discourse invoking the Fetishising Hetero Woman Cabal since the rise of Twitter and Tik Tok. I thought I was just getting old and using tumblr less, but I'm starting to think that this extremely successful YouTuber whose videos get millions of views might be poisoning the well a bit here. To be honest, I remember some of the #discourse about Fetishising Hetero Women from about 2013 on tumblr, but I think we grew up and realised that we weren't straight or weren't women (or in my case, both!). I think the Fetishising Hetero Woman Cabal is cathartis for folks like Somerton because it allows him to be really misogynistic while still feeling like he's punching up to some extent. Like, sure, I don't think these women are capable of liking m/m relationship for any reason other than teh hawt yaoiz, and they're also responsible for every writing decision I don't like. They're also homophobic and infantalising of gay men, so actually I'm doing a good thing by beating up this strawman. And then I will point to any woman whose work I didn't enjoy, claim she's heterosexual, and watch my fans tear her down. It's not misogynistic if the woman I'm quietly allowing my audience to harrass is profiting off of our community!

And it's weird that he never does this with male writers, right? My beloved Neil Gaiman and Rick Riordan are both straight men (as far as I know) who write mlm and wlw characters, and yet I never see anyone accusing them of fetishising lesbians or only being in it for teh hawt yuriz. Funny how there's no corresponding Fetishing Hetero Man Cabal when most mainstream lesbian porn is intended for cis men. Why does this powerful group of Weird Women on the Internet have so much power over the type of queer stories that get told but the actual powerful and well-paid men who write about queer women get a free pass? I'm not accusing either of these men of fetishising queer women (I find all their queer character to be pretty well-written); I think Somerton needs to unpack his misogyny.

Finally (and you can tell I've been procrastinating about this section), I have a personal bone to pick with the Fetishising Woman Cabal trope. It has infected me with so much brainrot that I'm terrified to be myself. I've known I wasn't a woman since I was a freshman in high school. I'm 25 years old and I'm only out to my closest friends in real life. I'm... not completely comfortable talking about it here either, but if it makes one person feel better or less alone, it's worth doing.

I am a transgender man who likes men. Most of the stories that I read are about men falling in love with (and fucking) other men. Most of my writing is about men falling in love with each other and/or having sex. This has been (and hopefully always will be) a safe way for me to explore my identity as a transgender man who likes other men.

And yet. Despite knowing this to be true without a shadow of a doubt, I am petrified of being part of the Fetishising Woman Cabal. I am afraid that I am, unbeknownst to myself, a woman who fetishised gay men so hard I have deluded myself into becoming one. That the TERFs are right and I hate women so much that I reject being one. I am afraid to mention to my gay male coworker that I mostly write and read stories about gay men because I am afraid he will think this of me. I'm afraid to come out at work because I don't think anyone will take me seriously. And I work in one of the most progressive metro areas in the country.

The biggest punchline to all this is, even if I am not a man, I am still certainly not a cishet woman. I am aromatic and I also date women! I'm about as queer as you can get! If I have these hangups, I can't imagine how allo trans men who only like men must feel.

When we point fingers at the Fetishising Hetero Woman Cabal, we don't just hurt cishet women who like stories about queer men (which, by the way, is not a problem unless you're REALLY weird about it). We're also hurting anyone who has experienced being a cishet woman and anyone we choose to paint with that brush.

I'm happy Somerton has been revealed as a fraud and that his platform has been removed. Now let's get to work getting rid of the brain worms he helped infect us all with.

(Note: this is a blog post and not intended as a well-sourced essay. If there are any factual inaccuracies, please let me know so I can edit them!)

comments

Longfic Update: Progress and Imposter Syndrome

2023-09-09T20:08:28Z

Oof, it's been exactly one month since my last post. Oops. I hope you haven't forgotten me.

But anyway, just thought I'd update you about the fic in this post. And I know most of you aren't in Captive Prince fandom, but It's My Blog and I Can Post What I Want.

I told myself that I would post the fic to AO3 once I had 5 chapters completed. If it follows my loose-outline-thing, it's going to be an absolute Slow Burn beast, but 5 felt like a good amount of padding to start with. I'm planning to post it on Fridays since I get out of work early and I'll have the time to read and edit before sending it off into the ether. I've also commissioned a bit of artwork from fellow Yu-Gi-Oh fan and problematic fav ghostteaart. The illustration is meant to go with the first chapter, so I might actually have to wait until it's finished to post (which is fine with me! I'm terrified!).

I had to do some plane travel over the weekend for my birthday, so getting to hang out in an airport and just chug away has actually been pretty good for my productivity. It has been... a bit awkward to write some of the more sexually explicit stuff in public, but I do realise that almost no one is actually going to be reading over my shoulder.

But good lord, it is so much more difficult to write fan fiction based on a book than a TV show or movie. The original author's prose is so evocative and his plotting and dialogue are so tight. Granted. Pacat had been working on his story for years and had time to edit it (it was posted to livejournal in 2009, self published in 2013, then picked up by Penguin, with each iteration coming with an opportunity to polish it). Meanwhile I'm posting my polished first draft and publishing as I go to keep up the momentum and get feedback from my audience (hopefully).

I feel like I'm not doing this book that I love justice, and that makes me very anxious. A good friend of mine is a mental health councilor and has accurately identified my issues with imposter syndrome. I'm trying to manage it, but it's hard.

So yeah, things are going well. But to my fellow fan fiction writers, do you have strategies for managing these types of emotions? Do you experience them as well? Anything helps!

Oh! And the fic has a name now! The initials are BAtE, which is how I'll be referring to it until The Grand Reveal.

comments

ComiCon 2023: A Post-Mortem

2023-08-09T20:34:26Z

Wuff, that was one hell of a weekend! I'm still frickin exhausted, but I have the energy to post now. Which is an improvement from the last couple of days. This was the first con I've been to since COVID and I forgot how exhausting they can be.

Anyway, I think this is more of a diary entry than a public blog post, since I just kind of want to talk about the experience. So read on below the cut if you'd like, but I won't be offended if you don't. I'm also going to be redacting the location and name of the convention. I know it isn't super hard to find with a little googling, but my anonymity is pretty important to me. So just humour me, okay?

( Shortened for Your Convenience )

comments

Red Rose: Love and Poetry

2023-08-03T17:36:21Z

Nothing in the Zinnia theme quite spoke to me, but I think just about everyone on the planet has some sort of relationship with red roses. Personally, I associate them with A Red, Red Rose by Robert Burns, and it got me thinking about my relationship with poetry in general.

I first learned about this poem in A Child's Introduction to Poetry by Michael Driscoll (which is apparently absent from archive.org's collection! I will need to rectify this.) I had the 2003 edition linked here, but Black Dog & Leventhall released a revised version in 2020. If it's even half as good as the version I grew up with, I think it would make a great gift for any literarily-inclined children in your life.

I was a bit of an odd duck as a child. But I was quickly labelled as "smart" because I was a voracious reader, even from a young age. I remember when I was in first grade (7 years old for those of you outside the US), my first grade teacher didn't actually have any books in her classroom that it took me longer than 20 minutes to read. At the time, first graders were limited to only reading picture books, levelled readers, and really simple chapter books (think Magic Treehouse and A to Z Mysteries) in the school library, and it annoys me to this day that they didn't encourage kids to challenge themselves. If a kid picks up Harry Potter and struggles with it, shouldn't we be encouraging them to ask an adult for help?

Anyway. I don't actually remember when I received this book. I do remember that it was a gift from my Bubbe and included a CD that I would sometimes listen to. It was formative enough that the illustrations in the book and the voices of the narrators are permanently burned into my mind. Side note: They anglicised poor Mr Burns's poem and had what's clearly and American actress read it. Which is... definitely a choice.

Regardless of when I got it, the collection ignited this life-long love of poetry. I remember, when we had to do poetry recitations in third grade (age 10), everyone else chose from the Shel Silverstein and Jack Prelutsky books (no shade to either of them, for the record. Their poems are delightful) while I preformed The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe. I wasn't trying to show off or anything, I just genuinely liked the poem. I didn't fully grok what was going on in it, but I knew that the narrator was sad about his dead girlfriend and the raven is taunting him and that was enough.

I was an English major in college, and I'm theoretically still pursuing that degree. (I had to drop out during the pandemic and things have been complicated since working full time). It's been very fun to kind of play I Spy with the authors I first learned about in that book. I still instinctively think of Keats as "the guy who wrote that really long vase poem" to this day.

I do still love poetry, but most of the stuff I'm reading lately are translations of older work (namely Lombardo's translation of The Metamorphoses and Anne Carson's translations of Sappho's Fragments). There are really only a few living poets who I can name off the top of my head (tumblr's darlings: Carson and Richard Siken). I also got to meet Marie Howe, who is the kindest woman I've ever met, though I don't own any of her books.

I extend the question to you. Do you like poetry? Who do you like to read? Is there anyone out there doing it like my favourite Dead White Boys?

comments

Hyacinth: Sincerity and Joy

2023-07-31T02:30:34Z

Personally, hyacinths have a very special meaning for me. As a queer man, one of the first places I really felt represented in the literary canon was, of course, Greek mythology. The most well-known story of Classical queerness is the story of Apollo and Hyakinthos. If you're not familiar, Apollo is besotted with a young Spartan man named Hyakinthos. Problem is, the god of the North Wind, Boreas, is also interested in Hyakinthos and spies on him and Apollo when they're together. At some point, Hyakinthos throws a discus as hard as he can (being both a Spartan and Apollo's beloved gives him quite an arm). Boreas, in a fit of jealousy, blows the discus back towards Hyakinthos and strikes him in the head, killing him instantly. Apollo is so overwhelmed with grief that Hyakinthos' blood becomes the first hyacinth flower so that his beauty can live on. (A lot of Apollo's doomed lovers get turned into plant life. It's just A Thing, I guess.)

EDIT: As dr_zook pointed out, it's actually Zephyros, the west wind, who fell in love with Hyakinthos and not Boreas. I do not know why I thought this.

If you're a Percy Jackson fan, you might recognise it as the story Cupid uses to goad Nico di Angelo into coming out in The House of Hades.

Anyway, to celebrate this flower's super ancient relationship to queer men, I've decided to make some hyacinth-themed icons for a couple of canon men who like men! Everyone has canon male love interests except for Hunter, who was confirmed to be bisexual by showrunner Dana Terrance.

( Click for icons )

comments

Goldenrod: Literally Just Goldenrod

2023-07-27T20:50:00Z

When I saw that one of the prompts was "goldenrod," I knew that I'd end up recommending one of my favourite essays from Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer!

I could have sworn that I saw it published on its own somewhere online, but I'm afraid it looks like you will have to acquire the book to read it. If it's not at your library (I highly recommend the audiobook, which is read by Kimmerer herself), archive.org does have a scan! It starts on page 39.

Dr Kimmerer is a Powatomi botanist and poet, and her book blends modern science, knowledge passed down via her indigenous heritage, and stories from her remarkably interesting life. Everyone I have recommended this book to has come out of it with a different take away. If you've read it, I'd love to hear you thoughts as well!

"Asters and Goldenrod" is an essay about racism in "Western" science, but not in the way that we usually think of "scientific racism." When Kimmerer first begins her botany programme, she tells her professor that she wants to learn why asters and goldenrod look so beautiful together. Her professors laugh this off as the frivolous interests of a silly young girl, and I think it highlights a fundamental issue with mainstream science. Kimmerer's question isn't just about her two favourite flowers, she wants to understand their relationship to each other and to herself. While science has gotten better about understanding ecology in the last few hundred years, I think we as "Westerners" (to the extent that the term means anything) tend to forget that we're also part of the ecosystem. We need these different perspectives in order to better understand our world, and I found it extremely upsetting that Kimmerer's professors didn't foster that curiosity.

Kimmerer then goes on to answer her question, and the answer takes her across multiple disciplines, all woven together in her stunning prose. This book will make you feel things about plants that you did not know were possible to feel about plants.

Goldenrod season is soon upon us in my little corner of the world, and every time I see them in bloom, I try to keep an eye out for their little purple companions. I think Kimmerer has really helped open my eyes to the beauty of the natural world around me. I hope her work will spark a similar love for you as well.

comments

Oh Longfic, Where Art Thou?

2023-07-24T17:59:20Z

Hey gang!

Just putting some feelers out. I've started work on a Captive Prince longfic (no estimate so far for word or chapter count), and I've noticed that I kind of... need support to finish writing things that are longer than, like, 10k >.< I am likely going to be posting to communal_creators and NaNoWriMo forums, but I'd appreciate some peer support for the off seasons too!

This is also kind of a dry run for the novel I'd like to write. I struggle with longer material and I want to see what works!

I've received so so much love on the CaPri (even though there don't seem to be many people who've actually read the book in the community) and I though it might be nice to blog a bit about the process. I just want to avoid the "screaming into the abyss" feeling that I have on a lot of other social media.

So basically my question is: if I were to blog about my writing process for a longfic for a fandom that you don't know, would y'all still engage? Or want to hear about it?

I know it's my blog that and I can post whatever I want to it, but I would like to post stuff that people find interesting and will comment on. The internet can be a lonely place sometimes.

comments

Daisy: Joy and Cheerfulness

2023-07-21T01:06:54Z

I decided to pick a couple characters who reminded me of the daisy themes and make some icons! It's probably my most literal interpretations so far. Most of these characters are li'l rays of sunshine. I'm not sure why I went with Zagreus, but I figured someone had to keep the kids out of trouble!

( Click for icons )

comments

Bluebell: Constancy and Grattitude

2023-07-18T16:20:30Z

Another ficlet! I don’t know why the prompt made me think of Dean Winchester, but it did put me on a Supernatural kick for a few days lol.

Title: Bluebell
Fandom: Supernatural
Ship: N/A
Rating: Teen & Up
Content Warnings: Implied/Referenced Canon Character Death
Other Tags: Post-Season 4 Episode 1
Length: 320 words
Summary: Dean Winchester, on whether or not he deserved to be saved.

( Fic Under the Cut )

comments

Gladiolus: Rememberance and Integrity

2023-07-11T00:26:55Z

I wanted to get at least one fan work done for Sunshine Challenge this year, and the prompt was perfect! Gladioli represent strength of character, faithfulness, and moral integrity, which I felt matched Damianos of Akielos to a T! I also managed to work "remembrance" in there too. Please enjoy this double drabble!

Title: Gladiolus
Fandom: Captive Prince (CS Pacat)
Ship: N/A
Rating: Teen & Up
Content Warnings: Canon Character Death, Brief Descriptions of Violence, Allusions to Abuse
Other Tags: Pre-Canon
Length: 200 words
Summary: Damen had killed a prince.

( Fic Under the Cut )

comments

Iris: Wisdom and Hope

2023-07-04T23:46:47Z

This week's prompt for Sunshine Challenge is Iris, which can represent wisdom and hope, among other things.

In this vein, I've migrated some of my fics from 2012 onto AO3. They are for a fandom that I haven't thought about in years and is very heavily associated with that era of the Internet. I won't be linking them here because I've anonymised them (they are VERY embarrassing nowadays), but it did get me reflecting a bit on where my fandom journey started and where I've ended up.

I was recently reading a fic published to FFn (which I have since archived due to how difficult it is to access these days), and I have no idea how anyone took it seriously as a fan fic site. Not only did it not trust you to use your own HTML, it erased any words that had special characters in them, and you couldn't even tag pairings until, like, 2015! And if something inspired you or you wanted to link off-site to fan art, you had to space out the url so the almighty FFn filter didn't delete them. All this to prevent spam links from being posted.

There's also the fact that you can't copy/paste from the site, which must have made reviewing a nightmare. Luckily, you actually can copy/paste if you use the mobile site, which is what I did to archive my old fics.

Anywho, it's stuff like AO3 and the OTW that gives me hope for the future of fandom. It's a space that we made for ourselves. We own the servers, and no one can tell us what we can and can't do on them (aside from, like... the law). We fund it ourselves, and we keep it afloat with our donations. I can't begin to tell you how much I love it. And yes, I know the OTW has been in hot water lately for being slow to react to concerns of its users of colour (and hopefully that can be sorted out quickly and efficiently), but considering where we started? It's such a gift. I appreciate it so much.

This time has also given me the opportunity to reflect on how I've grown as an author. These fics are... really bad. Baby Sunset couldn't keep track of a plotline to save his life! But they're also just really special. I used to just be able to sit around and frantically type out a fic on my iPod Touch and post it once I got home from school. (Side note: I actually used to email the entire fic to myself in order to post it on my family computer, since I didn't have my own laptop until I was in high school. I'd use FFn's shitty built-in rich text editor to make it work. It's honestly amazing anything I wrote made it to that site.)

I recently opened up to a good friend about how I was feeling a lot of shame around my fics. My 25th birthday is looming over the horizon, and I always thought that I'd have written something Big and Important by then. But the opposite of shame is pride. I am proud of how far I've gotten since 2012. I'm proud that I've continued doing something that I love. I'm proud that I've managed to make some really good friends from my time in fandom! And that pride is what's going to keep me going. You haven't seen the last of me!

comments

Archiving on Neocities

2023-06-22T14:01:33Z

Now, I don't know much about what's going on at AO3, but I do hope that the OTW can get its shit together and address what needs to be addressed. But I am thinking it's time I had my own private place on the internet to catalogue my fics. Maybe even with one of those old-school "I don't own this, this is not for profit" disclaimers.

With how hostile the larger sites have become (post-Musk Twitter, post-purge tumblr, Reddit's recent implosion), I think it's high time that we as internet people start to create the websites we want to see. I'm still planning on using Dreamwidth (and I guess also tumblr, but I'm a fairly passive presence on there tbh) mostly as a forum, with my actual writing being archived over on Neocities.

Has anyone here used it before? Do you have any tips on how it's best used? I do know enough HTML to get by (and hopefully Neocities also supports CSS to save me some major headaches in coding), so that's not an issue.

IDK man, I'd like to have some control over the stuff I make. I'm sick of what's "allowed" being up the whims of advertisers.

comments

100fandomicons Masterpost

2023-01-10T18:39:13Z

My table for 100fandomicons. I'm going to try and do 2-ish per week and I should finish on time!

001. accessory	002. alone	003. animated src	004. baby	005. beard
Good Omens	Stranger Things	Yu-Gi-Oh [External image: x]		Our Flag Means Death [External image: x]
006. black/white	007. blend	008. body part	009. bold	010. books
Dracula [External image: x]		What We Do in the Shadows
011. circle	012. clock	013. close up	014. clouds	015. cool
Hades (Game)	Goncharov (1973)
016. courage	017. crowd	018. crown	019. dancing	020. dark
The Legend of Zelda		Good Omens	Anastasia (1997)	Pokemon
021. drop	022. eating	023. elegant	024. empty	025. enemies
				She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (Netflix)
026. eyes	027. faceless	028. fake backgr	029. family	030. fantasy
Welcome to Night Vale [External image: x]	The Witcher (Netflix)
031. floating	032. flower	033. fly	034. four squares	035. frame
Homestuck	The Witcher (Netflix) [External images: x x]	The Owl House	Avatar: The Last Airbender	Pride and Prejudice (2005)
036. friends	037. future	038. gold	039. green	040. grey
Stranger Things	My Hero Academia	The Picture of Dorian Gray (Oscar Wilde) [External image: x]	She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (Netflix)	Homestuck
041. hair	042. hand(s)	043. happiness	044. heart	045. holidays
Pose	Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them		Spy x Family
046. hot	047. hug	048. hurt/sick	049. kiss	050. love
My Hero Academia	Yuri! on Ice		Call Me By Your Name
051. magic	052. mask	053. monochrome	054. monster	055. morning
The Owl House	Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse		Assassin's Creed Odyssey
056. move	057. music	058. muted	059. neg. space	060. night
	The Witcher (Netflix)			Homestuck [External Image: x]
061. non-human	062. numbers	063. old	064. outfit	065. party
Captain Marvel			Homestuck
066. pattern	067. perfection	068. photography	069. pink	070. prison
Demon Slayer		Stranger Things	Puella Magi Madoka Magica	Harry Potter
071. profile	072. queen	073. quotation	074. rain	075. rainbow
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them	The Witcher (Netflix)	Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse	Pride and Prejudice (2005)	She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (Netflix)
076. red	077. scenery	078. shadows	079. shoes	080. show from 2023
My Hero Academia	Lord of the Rings	What We Do in the Shadows
081. small fandom	082. sport	083. stock	084. sun	085. tattoo
				Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood
086. text on subject	087. text only	088. textured	089. theater	090. thin borders
	Society of Gentlemen (KJ Charles) [External image: x]	Supernatural [External image: x]
091. three	092. triangle	093. two colors	094. uniform	095. vehicle
Harry Potter		Good Omens		Supernatural
096. water	097. weapon	098. winter	099. work	100. yellow
Demon Slayer	Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

Total: 58/100

comments

Purimgifts 2023

2023-01-07T02:25:23Z

( Purimgifts 2023, babey )

comments

Some Book I Love By Trans Authors

2022-10-17T01:03:52Z

JK Rowling being Back On Her Bullshit again means that there's a fresh crop of people claiming that you should never ever ever read Harry Potter ever again. Now, I'm not going to comment on that claim, but I've noticed that this trend towards bashing transphobes has ultimately overshadowed conversation about trans authors in the publishing world. I'm seeking to remedy this.

Below the cut is a list of books from trans authors, most of which I absolutely love. I'm only choosing authors who openly identify themselves as trans or nonbinary. Authors who haven't said anything on the subject but write a lot of queer material will not be considered (as I'm not interesting in speculating on anyone else's identity). I have actually read them unless otherwise stated (my darling friend almost-annette is providing a few additional recs!). My taste tends towards sci-fi, fantasy, and romance. Her tastes lean much more… high brow, I suppose. Memoirs, history, and serious literature abound. Between the two of us, hopefully you can find something you like below. I also encourage everyone to please leave books by their favourite trans authors in the comments!

( Rec List Below )

comments