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Mar. 18th, 2019 01:16 pm
To Import or Not to Import
I'm in a bit of an odd predicament. Ya boi has been in fandom for nearly a decade (I just checked FFn and my account turned 10 back in January... holy shit).
I'm toying with the idea of importing all my old Hetalia and Death Note fics to AO3 under my old Pseud, but it just feels really weird.
While I still really love the fandoms (I rewatched Death Note a little while ago and it's still *chef's kiss* and I still have a habit of picturing countries as Hetalia characters while learning about history), I don't really feel like those fics are... mine, you know? I've changed so much since middle school and freshman year of high school. It would feel so weird to have my current work next to stuff I wrote so long ago. Like, when I first started writing fan fiction, I didn't even know I liked girls and I hadn't bothered to question my gender.
But I feel like I've been sort of reclaiming my "cringy" interests lately (hence the Death Note rewatch, de-anoning my CMBYN RPF, and my desperate search for the Hetalia dub), so shouldn't I also reclaim this? I wrote it and it has a right to be seen. And FFn could genuinely go under or delete my inactive account whenever it wants. And I don't have any of it archived either. The Death Note stuff was written exclusively on a computer whose hard drive has been lost to time immemorial, and I wrote most of my Hetalia fics on my phone before I got a real laptop. As worthless as I might think these works to be, should I let them just disappear into the ether when young me worked so hard on them?
There's a part of me that wants to put it on AO3, but I don't really want it associated with my current pseud. It feels like a relic of a person who no longer exists. This sort of... half-formed Tori I guess is the only way to put it. That odd transition time between the Tori that exists now and the aborted personality that I would've had were it not for my presence on the internet and my queerness.
Fellow fandom olds, what do you do with your old material that you're no longer proud of? Do you have any advice for me? Should I just stop overthinking everything and post the damn things?
I'm toying with the idea of importing all my old Hetalia and Death Note fics to AO3 under my old Pseud, but it just feels really weird.
While I still really love the fandoms (I rewatched Death Note a little while ago and it's still *chef's kiss* and I still have a habit of picturing countries as Hetalia characters while learning about history), I don't really feel like those fics are... mine, you know? I've changed so much since middle school and freshman year of high school. It would feel so weird to have my current work next to stuff I wrote so long ago. Like, when I first started writing fan fiction, I didn't even know I liked girls and I hadn't bothered to question my gender.
But I feel like I've been sort of reclaiming my "cringy" interests lately (hence the Death Note rewatch, de-anoning my CMBYN RPF, and my desperate search for the Hetalia dub), so shouldn't I also reclaim this? I wrote it and it has a right to be seen. And FFn could genuinely go under or delete my inactive account whenever it wants. And I don't have any of it archived either. The Death Note stuff was written exclusively on a computer whose hard drive has been lost to time immemorial, and I wrote most of my Hetalia fics on my phone before I got a real laptop. As worthless as I might think these works to be, should I let them just disappear into the ether when young me worked so hard on them?
There's a part of me that wants to put it on AO3, but I don't really want it associated with my current pseud. It feels like a relic of a person who no longer exists. This sort of... half-formed Tori I guess is the only way to put it. That odd transition time between the Tori that exists now and the aborted personality that I would've had were it not for my presence on the internet and my queerness.
Fellow fandom olds, what do you do with your old material that you're no longer proud of? Do you have any advice for me? Should I just stop overthinking everything and post the damn things?
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